though the truth may hurt, it sets you free.

Continue to brag about the no. of girls you have now, as much as i dont wanna know, people tell me voluntarily. PICKED THAT GIRL UP FROM FENCING COMPETITION WHEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER, but try to defend yourself and act all righteous? goodness don't give me that bullshit. don't try to save your reputation, cus i'm sure in the eyes of many, even before i got with you, you never had a good reputation to begin with. You know what i heard after we broke up? " good you broke up with him. Jon was always known to two-time, and play with girls, no surprise." so save your breath ok. I almost believed what u said for one second, on account of our one yr relationship. but then again, what does it mean to you man?

Just when i';m getting better, you come and stir my emotions, and just when i almost believed what u said, someone msns me and tells me about u picking that girl up. God's just telling me to never believe you ever again. And i'll listen to the voice of truth.

Anyway time will heal, i'll get immuned, and will live better.

Oh and my OCS BOY? haha, thanks for giving him that name and the credits that come along with it! new nickname for him. i dont tell him I MISS HIM that's for sure. But we're doing fine,starting out as friends,and taking things really really slow since i'm not desperate to have a boyfriend now. He's a good catch though that i must admit. But i don't live for a boy. And it's sad that you need a girl all the time, to fan your ego huh? Pride comes before a fall. God's blessings is what you need, not man's(your girl's) approval.

We won't be enemies, no we won't. Cus i'll pray for the Lord to give me the grace to forgive you.

footprints in the sand

Kukop with YAF was so much fun, though i ended up sleeping the earliest, (and shihui too) . was super tired, probably from all that running around the fishing village. Played games, talked, shared, laughed. Though at points of the trip, i got alittle emo, but my friends never failed to make me smile, especially this cute note from all of them,(photo of it below). Went to the keylong(i dont know how to spell it), saw a pufferfish, archer fishes, sharks, and alot more other kinds of fishes. took super alot of photos. Bunked in with Cheryl Jialin and Shihui((:

Oh and got 2 photos from goofy, taken at the ball. Suppose to have a couple more, but we can't remember who's cameras the photos were in.haha, so here's 2. Wow and he is tall, given the fact that i'm in 10cm high heels, he's still half a head taller than me. That's good. No more worries about having to discard my heels like in the past. whew.

WALK AWAY.

you found a new girl, REALLY QUICK.like 3 days??lol But i'm happy for you, though i heard she's not pretty, has ugly teeth and braces. okay anyway not the point. My heart actually sank when i heard about this, but thought about it, i really made the right choice in dumping you. I bet you probably two-timed me, omg i'm so stupid to let you do that without me even noticing, but it shows how lousy a guy you are, and BOO YOU on critising other guys who do that. Girls beware of him. i am not kidding. i do not want any girl to go through the same pain i did. yet again, i'm super thankful for wonderful friends and family who back me up. I am happy for you, except that i didn;t know you were so desperate for a girlfriend. (:

kukop with YAF tmr!<3

just another day, and then you.

After school today was like super fun, took a cab with the balloons to parkway, had lunch at pasta mania, which due to inflation, STUPID inflation, it is no longer cheap to eat there. Anyway, finished lunch, walked to esprit to check out prices of certain clothes*hinthint, people who pay 80 bucks for an ugly aunty-ish top, zomg, dumb. Anyway, then went to paperchase, bb lhb and i bought new pencil boxes, omg pretty, while rachel and i got new water bottles, rachel bought mine for me as a belated birthday present, like 3 months late, haha. thanks though!(: then mom picked us up and dropped us at the club to study. Read Othello, tsk, i hate it, but no choice. taking the test tmr. And of cus we did talk and laugh. OH AND BB gave me a monster gobstopper from Aust, which is like so cool, and lhb gave me a pretty pencil from paperchase in NY!(: THANKYOU:D at least i know the cow wont have the same pencil as me!(:

Had dinner with goofball, random last minute arrangement, met at tm, had a good dinner, interesting conversation, trip the supermart downstairs to get his breakfast for tmr, and in short, a really sweet time. Nice to know we click. Walked me back home, and till the next time we meet.

LOOOOONNNG day tmr in sch, gp essay test at 5pm): but never mind! kukop trip on friday afternoon!<3

i'm not missing you.

I'm determined to show you that i am not going to let you affect me, and i am going to get good Alevel grades. The library's going to be my second home soon. I'm glad i got over you super quick. I realised, there's nothing that you can give me that another guy can't(: I;m glad you're happy now, i am too. We're better off this way. God bless you! Sincerely.

I'm liking school, though the stress is whoa. but i feel more confident about myself somehow, and that i thank God for. Just planned out my time-table for the week so that i'll have sufficient time to study for all the tests that are coming my way, never ending. haha. As much as i dislike lit, largely because i suck at it, i plan to study for it from now, cus i do not want a D in my results. haha. C still not that bad. LOL.

gb has been really sweet, all that encouragement. Actually alot of people have been really comforting and... positive, and these are those who helped me get over it real quick, because, i know, there are people who love me, and i dont need a man, (that man), to make me feel good about myself. And i think every girl should know that. ( A BIG BIG THANK YOU TO THOSE PEOPLE! esp RGB, DES, ZY, XW, MOMMMM, DADD, MY BIG AND LIL BROTHER, JY, JEFF, ROGER, ETC.) No doubt, been totally naive with ex-boyfriends, but i've definitely matured now, and i'm happy where i am, having the freedom to go out with anyone i want, be it guy or girl, or even dates, of which i already have one arranged((:

I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and a hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I've got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

i'm contemplating on shifting my blog, since i do not exactly wish for certain people to know what's going on in my life. but been shifting so many times already.haha.ohwell we'll see.

alright i've gotta do my lit essay and study for tmr.

btw, math test was terrible, superhard): but no fear!ali wont give up so easily! haha.

bye!(:

goofball, sir.

omgomg, he msged me today:D and asked me out.

[edited]
feels weird that i can actually talk about guys asking me out and even considering to go. I'm glad i have that freedom now though. goofball's really cute, and smart(straight As for As), and cute and smart, and funny, and MATURE. important. hahaha. going out with a friend ain't anything anyway. I totally enjoy his company though. Like there are some guys, whom no matter how nice, there's no sparks, which really is quite sad, but of cus they make great friends. Oh well.

Just had math tuition, not very productive since i'm 7/8 dead, and need to recharge for a long day tmr, econs test makeup and math test, all the way till 6plus. Sigh! This term's gonna be stressful, and i've got to learn to cope. Go ali!

tm after sch with rach to print some photos((((: and then back to sch for econs, and then studying with ken & zy, then math test after that. then back home to do stupid othello essay which is LOOOOONG overdue.

alright i shall go bathe now and sleep, i need ALOT of energy to keep me fresh till 615pm.

bye.

since 14.

i think my expectations of a future boyfriend, has changed tremendously. No more just getting smitten by sweet words, sweet surprises or looks. I'd definitely want a guy who's mature enough to handle STRESS and whatever comes his way, rather than running away from problems, or blaming it on other people. Going to the comms ball really made me realise, there are many other guys out there, i'm in no hurry to get attached. So for now, i'll just be happy single, and see what comes my way. pretty quick though, i've actually met a really good guy already,like i always had this thing for him since 14, but no relationships for now though that's for sure. looooooong way t go! -revelation.

i'm happier than i was the past 3 weeks definitely. at least no more uncertainty, no more crying, i've cried enough.

bought a new school bag today. i like it:D

cant wait for kukop trip this coming weekend with YAF. bonding timeeeeee.

<3

to you.

I did all i could to salvage the relationship, you could have done your part, but you chose to leave me behind, never mind, i wish you luck still, and bon voyage. may your dream of being a pilot come true.

HELLO SINGLEHOOD.

what a great way to start my singlehood once again, attended Lianzhou's comms ball at fullerton hotel as his partner last night. Initially expected it to be pretty boring, but it turned out great. Had rather good entertainment, good food, and friendly people(who are 5years older than me and i didn't even know!) ya the 2 of us were like the youngest among the rest. LZ's 20, i'm 18, which certainly makes me the youngest there, sad to say i blended in so well they couldnt even tell and was shock to hear that i was born in 1990. funny. 23 year old boys totally look young, really. Most of them brought their girlfriends as partners so it was quite awkward when there was the photo taking before the ball started.

the photographer was like,
"boyfriend girlfriend, or friends?"
A and L ; friends.
photographer: okay, i want a v, stand close blablabla....
A and L: laugh awkwardly.
photographer:okay now i want back to back
A and L: HUH?? back to back?? not getting married!!
photographer: doesnt care, and just makes us pose
photographer: okay now the girl, put your hands on his shoulder and lean on his shoulder!
A and L: HUH???????? friends friends friends!! nonono too much. normal normal.
photographer: try la try!
A and L: nonono. (finally manages to wriggle out of it, and all the other couples were watching la, weird.)

plus why nowadays still got such weird obiang poses!!?? corny. AND, it's even weirder to like, be so close to your big brother's friend, you know? no matter how cute he is. hahaha. a really sweet gentleman really :D and a joker too((:

anyway. so mingled, took photos, had dinner(good food, but too little. fine dining, always small portions haha), entertainment, illusionist, live band, games, bingo, and a date whose company i really enjoyed(: Oh and he gave me a bracelet when he picked me up, to match the theme, a glittering affair.haha. Got home at about 1am. was dead beat, still am. Will upload photos when i get them from him. Our photos are in so many different cameras, so will probably take a while to compile them. haha.

alright soccer with church friends now,

later(:

some snow would be nice.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
-----------------------------------

i miss you, really i do. And i'll miss you when you go to australia, 6weeks may not be that long, but to me it is, and it's crucial. I'll support you no matter what, i hope you know that, and believe me.

woke up this morning feeling fine for the 1st 3 seconds, and then i had this heart wrenching feeling and my stomach was churning. reality hit me once again that i'm about to lose someone important to me. And i don't even know why. Browsing through our old photos from last year and the beginning of this year, it just makes me think, how did we end up like this? Our relationship was SO smooth sailing, right up till just last month. I dont know why the sudden change. And i'm not accepting it well. I dont know how to. Everyone's telling me, just let it go. I don't think i want to, but if i really have to, one thing i must say, i really love this boy, my 1st serious boyfriend, who met almost my entire clan(: And he'll always be part of me<3>

OTHELLO ESSAY IS DRIVING ME NUTS.

shall get back to it, before i pass the already generously extended deadline.

bye.

everything changes, and i don't know why.

tied together with a smile but i'm coming undone.


HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

---------------------------------

didn't think i'd cry again. i wish i was stronger than you. I've stepped into a new chapter of my life, where puppy love isn't all it is now. It's more than that, a love that's to last, one which will affect my future. I may be only 18, but i don't go into a relationship for FUN like some do. maybe that's why time and time again, i get hurt. I fall in love too easily, and i've never learnt my lesson. naive yes i am. To believe all those promises but then to realise, it was all lip service. Say i'm immature, maybe. I don't know how to maintain a relationship with just a couple of messages a day, and to have my other half always being tired, and not having time for me. And as someone told me, if i love him, even if i didnt know how to, i'd learn. i will, but is he going to be there for me when i need him? It has been tough, i don't agree with his choice of career(and his career journey starts now), but what can i do? And i'm not sure i want to settle down with a man who's never there. I've tried my best to keep all my negative emotions about the relationship to myself cus i don't want to stress him further. but sometimes i just need the attention. and still, i dont get it. we hardly see each other now, cus he's always too tired. i understand that training has been really tough, but he's tired EVERY SINGLE DAY, if he really loved me, he'd meet me no matter how tired he is. i don't expect t meet everyday. but when we arrange for something, i expect it t materialise. moreover, he's leaving for aust. next sunday, and we've spent only 1 day tgt in the last 2 weeks. i thought he'd want to spend more time with me before he leaves, but i've been wrong i guess.i've lost faith in the relationship, him, and myself. I have no idea where we're heading. All these he'd never read, thankfully. i just need t get it all off my chest. been stupidly crying each time i think of it, and sometimes i tell myself, why bother, if he really goes t australia for 9mths next yr, i'd be in university, it's not like there are a lack of boys around, why worry. that consoles me, for a brief second, and then i think again, we've been together for a yr, probably gone through more than any couple ever had in just a year, and we've got through a yr tgt alr, why not longer? but things change, people change, empty promises are no surprise for a boy/man of age 19. I've got my As to take, i shouldnt be letting this affect me. I've got to focus. yes. if only it was that easy. Nonetheless, thanks a million to xw,cl,and bok for being there for me always and to listen to my whining. not forgetting zy, who constantly entertains me with his rather intelligent jokes, never fails to make me laugh.

tonight i'm not afraid t tell you.

Chemistry was crazy from the get go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't build nothin' over night
Cause a love like this takes some time
People swore it off as a phase said "We can't see that"
Now top from bottom they see that we did that(Yes)
It's so true that (Yes)
We've been through it(Yes)
We got real sh.. (Yes)
See, baby we've been

Too strong, for too long
And I can't be without you baby
And I'll be waitin' up untill you get home
Cause I can't sleep without you baby
Anybody who's ever loved you knows just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, Nothin' can replace it
Call the radio, If you just can't be without your baby

I got a question for ya
See, I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie? (No)
Make me cry? (No)
Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I baby, my love is on the up and up(Yes)
I'll be faithful (Yes)
I'm for real (Yes)
And with us you'll always know the deal
We've been

See, this is real talk
I'm gon' always stay (No matter what)
Good or bad (Thick and thin)
Right or wrong (All day everyday)
Now, if you're down on love
Or don't believe this aint for you
And if you got it deep in your heart
Deep down You know that it's true

convos over toast.

spent a couple of hours doing geog, after which met linette at 430 for tea. went t ECP's old town, had toast, eggs and ice cream. discussed our respective trips, of which majority of hers was about a particular someone, whom i knew was like a that long ago. So i was nodding and nodding in total agreement and going, "see told ya." hahahha. havent met that balloon in ages so today was a good time to catchup(: No pictures though, cus we got too engrossed in our conversation. took a couple in the cab back, but didnt turn out well cus of the lighting and totally shaky hands. Stupid cab driver took some really long way, our cab fare was 10 bucks. lol. May be going to study for ECONS next week with the balloons, much as i'd rather we play, i've got to get my priorities right.

father's day tmr! got him a SUPER DAD card from borders ystd, 7 bucks. but it's really creative, like a wallet with a cheque inside, and u can write your msg on the "cheque". haha. so dinner with the family tmr, and basketball at night, goodness i desperately need to exercise and have some sun. i'm getting too fair.

alright shall go bathe.

toodles.

let it roll.

It's out of our control
And if there's one thing that I know
It's that it's best to just let it roll

pasta, free drinks, and weird boys

rach smiling, des's not.
des's smiling, rach's not.

i dont know what's they're problem.hahaha

des and rachel,
we laugh so much tgt, seriously i've never had such hilarious and entertaining friends before. love you both! we'd never get enough of the haka/hakka. hahaha.

dinner with the 2 was fantastic, though short, i had to rush t church after that. We ate and laughed, wary of being watched, "caught" pervert 2, who was fat and not good looking at all, and sick in the head. He looked quite pitiful though, like the kind who has no friends, guai kind, like innocent looking, but whoa. he's a maniac. haha. des and i initially thought he was such a poor thing, but nah he's disgusting morally. YUCK YUCK YUCK x 10000. haha. Des looked really pretty yesterday, esp with her makeup and all. glamour girl eh. Rachel looked totally feminine and sweet in that short skirt:D boohoo to whoever doesn't like what we/ I wear. Don't need your fashion advice, i'm happy with my own sense of fashion. Besides, you probably can't dress yourself.

Rachel's birthday's next week:D time flies, the holidays are ending already. bummer. I'm excited to meet up witht he fieldtrippers next thursday, though what comes the day before is a longggg 3hr econs test which i'm probably gonna screw up if i still refuse to touch my econs book. but thankfully i have tuition on monday. Harold save me. haha.

I finished drawing mindmaps for all Litho chpts, thankfully. going to do hydro now. God, bless me with strength and wisdom to focus and not get distracted for the next 3hrs at least, cus i'm going out in the afternoon later, and have no more time to study today! math tuition at night though): i'm gg to eat korean food later, hee.

bye, and enjoy your saturday!

cchms, and more memories.

shaky train shots, 2 tallies, 2 girls.
wet ECP, nontheless fun.
drenched CY.
hungry, soaking wet, freezing cold, from the downpour
ailin and i being stranded at Carl's Junior while the boys are stranded in the tent which leaks water. So they ended up shifting the tent IN THE RAIN to a shelter. They all got wet while ailin and i were cleanly dry(:

my white top and berms That Look Better Than Yours.
Chonglik insisted his back was tired, that OLD MAN.
self timer shot with no flash, haha.
ta-da. turned out pretty well(:
these boys never fail to make me smile<3

Vivo and ECP with the boys was great. and hilarious too.

At ECP, highlight of the night was Chunyang and Joshua who ran out of the tent to shelter when it started pouring, but after that felt back that they left the rest behind, so went back to get the hammock, and got soaked in the rain. then they saw a tent which looked exactly like the one the boys had brought, ran over, banged against the already swaying tent, screaming "help us help us!!" but it didnt open up. then they heard an unfamiliar girl's voice, and realised they had been banging at the wrong tent. it was actually a couple inside!! they must have been really freaked out, they refused to open up. hahaha. What a night.

At Vivo, had dinner, went to the rooftop, sat down, talked, laughed, played "backfire", but they were totally not sporting so it flopped. took self timer shots, and just as we started to have real fun, CL and J had to head home cus they had sch this morning. took the train home. Amazing how, though we dont meet for ages, and have almost nothing in common anymore since some are in poly and some in JC, we're still able to click and enjoy each other's company. these people, are definitely going to be my friends for life<3>

-------------------------

had lit lesson in the morning ystd, i was half an hour late, lol. anw, pervert catching with bokbok and BBBB was super fun. Scary thing is he looked like a normal family man. girls beware! it's so freaky, imagine when we start working, we meet working men, whom we THINK are hot rich gentlemanly men, in short, attractive, but they have a secret life. YUCK. okay thankfully the pervert we caught was non of the above. what a loser, trying to act as if he's so morally upright. we call him a pervert for a reason.tsk.

going to town with mom, aunty cc and jared:D alright i better go study now!

toodles.

* i really think i look better in the white top and berms than you(: Don't feel small though. You're BEAUTIFULLLLLL.MOOOOOOO.