everything changes, and i don't know why.

tied together with a smile but i'm coming undone.


HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

---------------------------------

didn't think i'd cry again. i wish i was stronger than you. I've stepped into a new chapter of my life, where puppy love isn't all it is now. It's more than that, a love that's to last, one which will affect my future. I may be only 18, but i don't go into a relationship for FUN like some do. maybe that's why time and time again, i get hurt. I fall in love too easily, and i've never learnt my lesson. naive yes i am. To believe all those promises but then to realise, it was all lip service. Say i'm immature, maybe. I don't know how to maintain a relationship with just a couple of messages a day, and to have my other half always being tired, and not having time for me. And as someone told me, if i love him, even if i didnt know how to, i'd learn. i will, but is he going to be there for me when i need him? It has been tough, i don't agree with his choice of career(and his career journey starts now), but what can i do? And i'm not sure i want to settle down with a man who's never there. I've tried my best to keep all my negative emotions about the relationship to myself cus i don't want to stress him further. but sometimes i just need the attention. and still, i dont get it. we hardly see each other now, cus he's always too tired. i understand that training has been really tough, but he's tired EVERY SINGLE DAY, if he really loved me, he'd meet me no matter how tired he is. i don't expect t meet everyday. but when we arrange for something, i expect it t materialise. moreover, he's leaving for aust. next sunday, and we've spent only 1 day tgt in the last 2 weeks. i thought he'd want to spend more time with me before he leaves, but i've been wrong i guess.i've lost faith in the relationship, him, and myself. I have no idea where we're heading. All these he'd never read, thankfully. i just need t get it all off my chest. been stupidly crying each time i think of it, and sometimes i tell myself, why bother, if he really goes t australia for 9mths next yr, i'd be in university, it's not like there are a lack of boys around, why worry. that consoles me, for a brief second, and then i think again, we've been together for a yr, probably gone through more than any couple ever had in just a year, and we've got through a yr tgt alr, why not longer? but things change, people change, empty promises are no surprise for a boy/man of age 19. I've got my As to take, i shouldnt be letting this affect me. I've got to focus. yes. if only it was that easy. Nonetheless, thanks a million to xw,cl,and bok for being there for me always and to listen to my whining. not forgetting zy, who constantly entertains me with his rather intelligent jokes, never fails to make me laugh.