I light my own fires now.
Got home rather early today. Did some human geog tutorial questions, a bit of physical, then had my dinner, while watching full house. this is like the... don't know how many time i'm watching it. and i never get sick of it haha. but it can get me quite emo sometimes, like now. ugh. totally hate the feeling.
Been getting by pretty find, never really felt alone, until now. Thinking about how i was so preoccupied with him, him and him. Now, my life is not about him anymore, it's about me. One thing for sure, no more crying. After all that shit, though sometimes i feel alone, i'm better off this way.
Much as i try not to think about him anymore, it's tough, certain places and certain things remind me of him. Happy memories & good times we had, do touch my heart, and for a second, i think he's still here with me, and then snap. reality hits me, hard. Then my heart sinks, but i tell myself, it's over and i'm having a better life now.
It's harder than i thought, to forget him. I probably never will, since no doubt, he's one guy i really loved, and THOUGHT he really loved me too. Sometimes, i even countdown the days he'd be back from Australia subconsciously, and then i realise, wait. It's none of my business anymore, it's his new girl's. and i shouldn't be anticipating his return. IT HAS GOT NOTHING T DO WITH ME.
and then, i start to fear for his return, i have absolutely no wish to see him on the streets, and worse still with a new girl. I'm still so broken from all that hell, i'm not ready to see him, and often times, when you don't wanna see someone, all the more you will.
I feel a wrenching feeling in my heart as i type this post. I know many will think i'm so super dumb to still be thinking about him. but you'd only understand if you've gone through this, and i guess many of you haven't and probably won't in your lucky lifetime. It's hard to let go, i need time. alot of time. I thought i was stronger than this. Well i'm wrong about myself i guess.
COME ON ALI YOU CAN DO THIS.
Goodnight.
posted by AMM @ 5:18 AM
4 Comments:
every day you live, you're getting stronger, cos He's with you! (and so are we) :D
haha, bbbb!
haha thanks for being so supportive bbbb!really appreciate it :D <3 <3 <3 LOVELOVELOVE.
alicia, relationships are like that, if you were brave enough to step into it a year ago, hmmm thereabout, you should be brave enough to walk out of it. I'm in no position to judge how he's like cos I don't even know him but one thing I'm sure of is: no point hanging onto th past and him God has a purpose for everything so you never know what suprises he has for you, heh a much better looking guy? Heh, oh I haven't had th chance to reply to ysabel's friend, I'm really touched that you spoke up for your friend, but next time do it in a more open and civilized manner. Sg govt promotes transparency you know! (: oh yah if you're that true a friend you should advise your friend to be cautious of th new found boyf cos if he can cheat on my pretty friend alicia I don't see why he won't cheat Y.
ANYWAY ALICIA I love you and will always be behind you!!! guess what I typed all these from my itouch. I'll reply your comment tomorrow when I blog(((((:
tian! thanks alot(((: omgoodness you are pro. the itouch is so super leychey to type on, like alphabet after alphabet, really appreciate it, and yup i believe God has a better plan for me(: Oh and you didn't come to school today! missed ya company(: you better come tmr kay! we can endure fung's lesson tmr haha!
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